Remembering Mama
I remember I went to the hospital that morning and stayed there to take care of my mom (it was my turn to do so). I think my Uncle Bine and I changed mama's diapers. Then my uncle went home to rest. I was left to watch over mama.
I remember cleaning her eyes again, putting eyedrops; I remember removing a strip of dried skin off her lips and applying Chapstick on it. I remember that this time around, her lips didn't make an "o" shape as if it were being applied on with lipstick. I remember thinking to myself that she's really going.
Papa's turn was in the afternoon. When he came to the hospital late in the afternoon, I went home feeling sad. Around 6 pm, papa called me at home and told me to bring some stuff. He said that I should hurry. Mama was having a hard time breathing and he might need some help.
I remember I left home for the hospital with the stuff papa requested (clothes, toiletries). When I got there, papa asked me to buy a liter of mineral water. I remember going to the hospital canteen and there was no mineral water there. I went out of the hospital to buy from a convenience store nearby. I remember feeling that I might never see my mama alive again. I don't know why but I felt it strongly.
I remember going back to the hospital, up to the second floor, heading towards room 254. I remember opening the door and finding the nurse bent over mama, she was removing the tubes on her. I remember the nurse telling me, "Wala na si nanay."
I think I felt numb. I did not feel the shock of the news. I think I was in denial. And I found myself asking the nurse, "Kailan pa?"
The nurse said, "Kanina lang." I looked for papa. He was not in the room. The nurse said he was on the payphone along the corridor. I was bracing myself to find a man who might be on the verge of breaking down. But no. Papa was at the payphone, calling our relatives and close friends, telling them that mama joined the Lord. I remember the grief on papa's face. He was really trying to be strong.
I remember it was past 8 pm already when I tried to contact Arnold, one of my best friends way back in high school. He's in the States. He knew mama. Mama was like a second mother to him. I wasn't able to get through. My cellphone wasn't IDD-activated yet. I remember calling Lex, my younger brother. I remember texting all those who know me and my mom about what happened.
I remember papa looking for me. "You have visitors, it looks like they're your officemates," papa said. As it turned out, they were from GCF (Greenhills Christian Fellowship) where I go to church and sing in the choir. It was Ate Laureen, Grace, Joy, Myrna. They were visiting mama and me. I told them they just missed mama by 20 minutes. They were all shocked. They just thought mama was just asleep.
I remember the crying bouts I had. I remember feeling the loss, the emptiness.
I remember how papa was trying to keep up a brave front. I remember that my uncle came back to the hospital. I remember some more people from our previous church, Cainta Baptist Church, dropped by. I remember Ate Nitz, papa's long time secretary, being there, too. She's like part of our family already, working for papa's law office since I was like 8 years old.
I remember a moment when I came back to the room. I caressed mama's arms. I remember saying "mama" affectionately. Twice. As if I was making sure that she's just sleeping.
I remember Mama...this Mother's Day.
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